The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
