Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
