Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
