So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
