i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
