): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
