So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
