I wish i was in the wii world.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
