so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
