Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
