so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
