My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
