i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
