Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
