How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
