I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
