it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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