u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Two words: nipple clamps
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