My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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