can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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