I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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