my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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