It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
