What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
