I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
