someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
