you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
