Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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