Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
