I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
