Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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