i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
