If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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