found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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