my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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