apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
