After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
