I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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