I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize