It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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