i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She tied me up with her honor cords...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
