I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
