So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
