Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
