I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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