We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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