i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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