I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You're like the curious george of whores
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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