There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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