Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize