im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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