after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
