So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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