so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
please come you make the beer taste better
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
