sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
