she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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