when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
