i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
