I'm so fucking centered right now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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