she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
