people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
