Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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