and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
