i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
