Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
