It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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