Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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