I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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