my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
