Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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