No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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