I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize