Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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