a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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