Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
