I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You can't special order awesome
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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