Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
