i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If its not for food we ain't going out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
