I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
