i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
