i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
