IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
