How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
