i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
