Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
