i permit you to call me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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