first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
