Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
