Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
