Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
