Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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