We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
