we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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