saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
