Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
