woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
