where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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