the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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