Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
