I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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