I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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