Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He passed out mid-signature
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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