Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
