No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize