You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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