Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
