im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
