conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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