people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
